{"id":315,"date":"2026-10-07T06:15:13","date_gmt":"2026-10-07T06:15:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/myamanapp.com\/blog\/?p=315"},"modified":"2026-10-07T06:51:45","modified_gmt":"2026-10-07T06:51:45","slug":"understanding-managing-unhelpful-thoughts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/myamanapp.com\/blog\/understanding-managing-unhelpful-thoughts\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding and Managing Unhelpful Thoughts"},"content":{"rendered":"

Therapist’s View<\/span><\/p>\n

By Farah Tiwana<\/strong><\/p>\n

This article was originally published by Us Magazine (The News, Jang Group) on 28 October 2022. It is shared here with a few minor changes.<\/em><\/p>\n

A central premise of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), a commonly used and evidence-based therapy modality, is that thoughts and feelings are interlinked. How we feel may affect what we think, and what we think may affect how we feel. This may seem like something obvious, but in our day-to-day lives we rarely pay much attention to how this link between the two is affecting us.<\/p>\n

Any thought you may have is associated with emotions related to that specific thought.<\/p>\n

For instance, imagine that you\u2019ve texted a close friend to ask if they\u2019d like to meet you this weekend and almost 24 or more hours have gone by with no response from them.<\/p>\n

The time spent waiting for your friend\u2019s response could have you thinking and feeling in a whole variety of ways.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve had a fulfilling day and you\u2019re feeling more upbeat, you might attribute their lack of response to a more benign reason, and thus may feel much more at ease. It\u2019s possible you may think they are busy with work, family or any other commitments and will get back to you soon. But what\u2019s more important here is how you\u2019ll feel if you had such a thought. You\u2019re most likely not going to have a strong emotional reaction to the lack of response on text.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve had a difficult day and have been feeling stressed or anxious, you might find yourself worrying that your friend is upset with you or hasn\u2019t responded due to something bad happening to them. You might find yourself thinking they are not responding because they want to avoid you and don\u2019t actually like you. This thought is much more likely to distress you and bring up unpleasant emotions, such as anger, disappointment, anxiety, sadness, loneliness and isolation, than the thought that they\u2019re just busy and will respond soon.<\/p>\n

Noticing your thought patterns<\/h2>\n

The first step towards managing our emotions is to develop an awareness of our thought patterns.<\/p>\n

Keeping a journal or a diary may help you do so. Once you write your thoughts down, it may be easier to distance yourself from them and see them more clearly. The goal is not \u201cpositive thinking at all costs!\u201d Remember that \u201cnegative\u201d or stressful thoughts can also be true in some circumstances, and in those situations one would want to problem-solve rather than change a thinking pattern. Hence, the purpose of recognising your thinking patterns is to develop more realistic thinking. This includes knowing when a problem needs solving beyond your own self-management or coping skills.<\/p>\n

Common unhelpful thinking patterns<\/h2>\n

The types of unhelpful or maladaptive thinking patterns that we usually fall victim to include the following:<\/p>\n

Personalisation:<\/strong> Blaming yourself entirely for something beyond your control, or thinking something is said or done with reference to you in particular, even when, objectively, there is little evidence to suggest this. Example: \u201cMy parent\u2019s depression is my fault, because if I were the perfect child and took care of all their needs, they would have recovered by now\u201d, ignoring other circumstances that may be contributing, lack of adequate treatment, etc.<\/p>\n

Overgeneralisation:<\/strong> Inferring \u2013 either from a single event or from a few coincidences \u2013 a principle that you apply across the board. For example, \u201cI failed this exam, and it just goes to show that I am a poor student. I can\u2019t succeed at university.\u201d<\/p>\n

Minimising the positive:<\/strong> Downplaying positive events or achievements. For example, \u201cI won the general knowledge quiz prize but that\u2019s really not a big deal. I mean, so many people are able to do that. There\u2019s nothing special about winning this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Magnifying the negative:<\/strong> This is a pattern whereby your focus is mainly on the negative, even when it is minor in comparison to the positive. For example, \u201cMy lecturer said I have a lot of potential and write well, but I need to work on being more concise. She must think I\u2019m so stupid. Ugh, why do I always write long sentences?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mind reading:<\/strong> As the name suggests, these kinds of unhelpful thoughts involve assuming you know what others are thinking, or involve predicting how they will react. For example, \u201cNida was frowning when I was telling her about my new project. She was definitely annoyed with me and was thinking about how I talk too much.\u201d<\/p>\n

Emotional reasoning:<\/strong> \u201cThis must be true because I feel this way\u201d is the essence of emotional reasoning. Feelings are not facts, but with emotional reasoning we assume they are. For example, \u201cI feel sad and worthless, so I am worthless.\u201d<\/p>\n

All-or-nothing thinking:<\/strong> Also called black-and-white thinking, this happens when a person thinks in absolutes. For example, other people are seen as either good or bad; there is nothing in between.<\/p>\n

These are just a few examples of unhelpful thoughts. Many longer lists of \u201ccognitive distortions\u201d are freely available online.<\/p>\n

Such thoughts are unhealthy because these biases and stuck patterns prevent us from seeing things, people, situations, life and ourselves as we really are: instead, these thoughts show us distorted, unhelpful and often painful versions which keep us trapped in suffering and shame.<\/p>\n

Where do these patterns come from?<\/h2>\n

Once you\u2019ve kept a journal for a while and have started to notice which kinds of unhelpful thoughts you have regularly, you can start reflecting on why you may have developed this thinking pattern. Was this something that was once true? Did these now unhelpful thoughts help you to cope in the past? Were these thoughts direct or indirect messages you may have received from people around you? Allow yourself to explore and understand where these thinking patterns come from. Sometimes it may be obvious and sometimes you may struggle to identify the root of these patterns.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t worry if you cannot identify any reason or any starting point for these thoughts. If nothing comes up for you, then reflect on what these thoughts may be telling you. Are these thoughts signalling that you feel judged, unsafe or isolated? Whatever it may be, notice it and talk to someone (preferably a mental health professional) about it.<\/p>\n

Weighing the evidence<\/h2>\n

Once you recognise your thoughts and their possible roots, you can consider how true or how useful they are now. Make a list of these thoughts and, right next to it, make another list that has objective evidence for and against those specific claims. \u201cEvidence\u201d does not include thoughts or emotions. Evidence will be something external and observable.<\/p>\n

The purpose of this exercise is to help you see if these thoughts are unhelpful and no longer relevant for you in the present. When you\u2019ve written down the evidence for and against, you can understand which side has stronger points. If there is more substantial evidence \u201cfor\u201d a thought, consider why this is so and whether you need to think about resolving a situation rather than managing your thoughts. If there is more substantial evidence \u201cagainst\u201d the thought, consider what would be a truer or more realistic and helpful thought to have now. Write down the new thought that you want to have and revisit it daily, whether reading it aloud to yourself or mentally reminding yourself of it when the unhelpful thought intrudes.<\/p>\n

This may seem like a lot of effort, but it\u2019s worth it. Recognising and working through unhelpful thoughts will allow you to better understand yourself and your reactions in daily life. Understanding yourself opens the way to being a healthier self.<\/p>\n

\n

About the author<\/strong><\/p>\n

Farah Tiwana<\/strong> is a clinical psychologist with over a decade of clinical experience. She works with adults on anxiety-based concerns, PTSD and the lasting impact of childhood trauma, parentification, neglect or abuse, drawing on cognitive behavioural and relational psychodynamic approaches, and offers therapy in English and Urdu. She holds an MSc in Mental Health Studies (Distinction) from the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology & Neuroscience at King\u2019s College London and a BSc in Psychology from the University of Bristol. Her writing on mental health has appeared in Us Magazine (The News, Jang Group). Farah is a therapist on Aman: read more about her approach or book a session at farahtiwana.myamanapp.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Disclaimer.<\/strong> The views expressed in this article are the author\u2019s own and do not necessarily reflect those of Aman. It is general information, not a substitute for professional care.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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